There, now that I have your attention,
Okay gents, this here is the
I mean queen epic, Princes of the universe D&D 3.5 campaign.
Now, before you start going “Captain Commiechrist, what the hell does that even mean?” well, let me say first of all I'm no kinds of christ figure. And secondly, let me say that this means the following:
→ Anything vaguely queen related, epic in stature or story, anything highlander-esque (*NOT ZEIST.* ANYONE REFERENCING ZEIST WILL IMMEDIATELY HAVE TORRASQUES DROPPED ON THEIR HEADS WITH NO CHANCE TO DODGE, and possibly a knife in their back c/o the rest of the party...) goes. Actually, anything just Highlander-esque goes, provided it comes from the first film, and the first film only...
→ You will play as actual princes of the universe, each going from your own characters' philosophy IN A WAR WITH THE DARKEST POWER........... (sudden guitar crescendo.)
→ You will fight like highlanders, in space and across planes of existence, in various rule of cool feats of awesomeness with possible sean connery cameos.
→ Wagnerian scale in all seriousness is what this is going for. There might well be battles of the gods, perhaps even battles of theologies (Norse pantheon vs. Greek pantheon? Just maybe) – Fucking... any god you can think of from a polytheistic religion goes.
→ That said, the point of each character should be to emphasize the traits of the particular god you're going for. As long as you let me know which god you wanna do, that's probably awesome as long as it's not mary fucking sue. (for those less learned in the wordlyness of TV tropes, A mary sue is somebody good at fucking everything to the point of fucking stupidity and/or rage.)
→ I will even allow you to use fictional gods, Khorne, something out of Cthulu or some shit like that all fine. As long as you keep the fucking flavour. Fucking fuck.
All that said, you might ask “what does this translate into in gaming terms Most Stalinist One?”
Well first off, Stalin's dead. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't like people stealing his thunder.
He's a zombie now you see.
(SUBJECT SENT OFF TO GULAG)
Just check out these Fine Features, Fancy Dan!
→ Gestalt blade wielding classes. Start at 8th level. What is gestalt you might ask? Well, you take two classes, and combine them into one, taking the best aspects from each. So, Bard + Barbarian = BardBarian (for more information, see unearthed arcana P72. it's an easy process.)
→ Arbitrary challenge ratings. Gestalt is weird, man. There is no good method for giving experience. I'll be giving it more based on merit and awesomeness and “how fucking challenging it was” than anything else.
→ Mandatory backstory writing. Who the hell is your character, and why was he selected to be a prince of the universe, IE, the champion of your particular god? Why do you NEED TO BE THE RULERS OF US ALL?
→ I will do my best from that to work shit into the campaign. NOTE: I MIGHT JUST BE VERY ARBITRARY HERE. YOU HAVE TO FUCKING TRY TO WRITE A GOOD STORY. THIS IS WHY I AM POSTING THIS SO EARLY. SO PUT SOME TIME, EFFORT AND AWESOME INTO IT.
→ Time travelling? Just maybe.
→ Born to be kings. Your power is in your own hands. I'll just let that sink in.
→ Edit: Now featuring Conan and mythos. By Crom!
→ An entire campaign based on queen songs. And wagner. And whatever else tips my fancy. Quite possible world smashing might take place. Anything is possible when the princes of the universe have a night on the town.
→ So, what's the catch then Comrade
Ah, good, that's a better title. There are a few rules, though you might call them catches.
There are a few restrictions: Blade wielding classes are indeed as described (ELVES DON'T FUCKING COUNT. THAT'S NOT A CLASS. THAT'S A RACE. ANYONE USING JUST ELVES IN ORDER TO GET SWORD PROFICIENCIES OR OTHER SUCH SHENANIGANS WILL BE SENT TO GULAG)
SO, An Elf Wizard/monk is NOT ALLOWED. One caveat though: If your weapon is sufficiently awesome (IE, Warhammer or something similar) I might let you use it. If you smite Loki with Mjolnir while getting eaten by Fafnir or somesuch.
Another restriction is magic using classes → because it'd probably get horridly broken if you were to, say, combine Wizard and artificer or some shit like that, only one (full?)-spellcasting class per character, and only one of those may be a tier one (if you need to know what the hell tiers are, see the following websites: http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?PHPSESSID=bc18425e5fa73d30e4a9a54889edf44e&topic=1002.0http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=5256.0
– I haven't fully decided what to do about such things as Wizard/duskblades, not that I expect to see any, but regardless, I'll figure something out.
I fully expect people to try to break the game here – please don't. I reserve the right to say “no.” to any character – No pun pun or any such infinite combo bullshit. Edit: July 24, 2011.
No leadership. The party is assumed to have an army of sorts backing them, but they are not the focus of this game. There is wiggle room here, but in general, no cohorts will be granted from this feat.
Lastly, “fullish” knowledge of the rules of D&D is essential. Don't show up expecting a “how do I D&D lesson.” or any shit like that. Being an experienced player here is a must. And I will not be merciful to a player who does not know how grapple or turn undead works the seventh time it is explained to them. There might be a torrasque who is very hungry for such people. “Torrasques fall, the party dies” is something I'd prefer not to have to say.